Only on Vashon – The Weekly Rundown 05/27/2022

We love to rescue animals here. First, we’re treated to a TikTok that endlessly repeats 30 seconds of a slow-dance version of the Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers song as workers lead seven horses down the road, up a driveway, and into a pasture. Then we have a story about someone who wants to rehome a family of wild rats. 

Some of us get upset about the idea of someone else’s rats getting rehomed onto our properties, as we all already have enough to go around. Rats can have 6 litters a year. The last thing we need are more rats eating our cars.  One islander says rats totaled their new Mercedes Benz by chewing the wiring. Hard to blame them, though. Hae you tried engine wires? They’re savory with hints of copper, and the insulation is soy-based, making it gluten free and vegan. 

Why do rats love wiring so much? Some say it’s because they like anything touched by greasy human hands. 

Not everyone is upset that someone wants to rehome rats. Someone told us we were being speciesist for prioritizing one species (our beautiful selves) over another (invasive plague-bearing vermin rats). 

Someone is mad about the quality of produce at an island store. And we’re mad that they’re mad about it. Have they talked to the manager? Have they considered that their house is moldy, and the produce they buy is just especially sensitive? 

Has the poster considered at which freshness level to buy produce- soft and ripe if it’s to be used today, hard and distant if it’s to be used tomorrow. You must select your produce with care and attention. It is not a task to take lightly. And have you treated your produce with care and a delicate hand? We have this advice for dealing with unripe avocados:  “If the avocado is too hard, try microwaving it for 15 secs. It worked but I don’t know if there’s a sliding scale for unripeness.”

And speaking of buying things, we have a rant about how if you’re selling a vehicle, post the mileage. For example, this weird penny loafer-looking car is doing it all wrong. 

For one thing, you should get the year of the car correct to within half a century.

We’re also reminded, when selling an old car, to be careful when scraping off the VIN not to go through the metal. And no need to worry about tabs. Those are more of a suggestion than a legal requirement. 

I also recommend writing the price in a standard numeric form, or you will leave me perplexed. I’ve been thinking about this bike for days, wondering if it’s 87k or 8.7k, or if I can choose between paying either $8 or $7000. (I would choose $8 because I am savvy and good at spotting a bargain.) 

In lighter news, it was brought to our attention that a sketch on SNL is  attacking us personally. It features the below scene, complete with the glass bottle tree, the wind chimes, and the rusty metal star decoration. It was filmed on location in front of the iconic Jesus Barn. 

I’m the one on the left. I’m also the one on the right. 

An islander shares their gunked-up Jacuzzi filter after their tub was filled with District 19 water. Someone recommends doing the “Mr Clean magic eraser trick.”  Turns out the trick is to drop a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser into the pool skimmer, and it will absorb all the algae. Or kill the algae. One of the two. I don’t think this trick works for getting heavy metals out of drinking water, but it might be a fun parlor trick. Although if you have a jacuzzi, you probably don’t need to do weird science experiments to entertain your guests. 

But in all seriousness, the dirtiness of the water is worrying. One islander even writes, “I haven’t taken a bath in years.” 

Finally, we have this lovely affirmation in the rants group: 

Anna Shomsky
Author: Anna Shomsky

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