Only On Vashon- The Weekly Community Rundown 01/1/21

Vashon Weekly Rundown by Anna Shomsky

We played two truths and a lie. I believe everything I read on the internet, no matter how contradictory, so I now know that vashon was founded by a man named Brian Vashon when he fell naked off a boat. It’s also a secret military base that moves on underground gears, hence the hum

I learned that pretty much everyone’s partied with Katy Perry and Johnny Depp. Also someone named Ratzenberger. Wasn’t he the previous pope? I’m just gonna go ahead and start telling people that the Pope lived here. 

There are no possums on Vashon. There are, however, multiple alien landing sites. 

You used to be able to roam around the dump salvaging stuff. This must have been in the time before Granny’s Make-An-Offer-Day. I did once get a bike at the dump that someone was about to throw away, but I had to actually ask them if I could keep it. I didn’t get to go into the pit with galoshes and a shopping bag.  

We’ve been talking about our relationship to wild animals. Should we feed them? The answer to that is no. But they’re so cute, and it’s cold out, so what if we feed them just a little? What if we have just one bird feeder by the kitchen window?

Ok, so we fed the wild animals, or maybe the neighbors did, so now how do we get squirrels to stop digging up the yard? We could try laying out peanuts on the deck to get them to perch up there, but they’ll likely just want to bury the peanuts, and also, we’re not supposed to be feeding them. We could pour chili powder on our lawn, but that solution has ‘unintended consequences’ written all over it. The best solution is to watch the squirrels carefully, learn their ways, understand the secret source of their snacks, and then maybe have a conversation with the neighbors about not feeding the squirrels. 

Watching and learning from the squirrels may give us ideas about how to save food for winter. My dog is always burying frozen burritos and sticks of butter in the lawn and digging them up later. And he seems like a pretty smart guy who knows what’s what. If you’re wondering where my dog is getting frozen burritos and whole sticks of butter, I’m gonna pretend the answer is my neighbor’s bird feeder. 

We still haven’t figured out what to do at that four-way stop in town. When should we turn? Should pedestrians wait for cars?  In fact, I’m sitting at the intersection now, trying to turn right onto Bank Road. I’ve given up and pulled out my phone to discuss the wedding rental truck I just passed up. My apologies to the 119 bus behind me. If you see me, honk. 

On January third, there will be a major beach clean up. Go to any beach, pick up as much garbage as you can, then bring it to the lot behind the Sheffield building. 

Christmas is finally over, so now you can give your Christmas tree to a goat farm and have goats eat it. Drop it off at The Old Goats Home.

That giant gear outside Minglement has been marked down to $750. Just imagine the size of the bird feeder you could make with it.

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