A loose boat was spotted adrift near Sylvan Beach, tilting in the wind. It eventually ran aground at Corbin Beach. The photos of it were stunning in that they perfectly illustrated my pandemic emotional state.
A ferry boat was briefly dead in the water. Maybe I have weird magical powers where my emotions affect boats? I am accepting offers of payment in exchange for wanting your team to win the next regatta.
Someone was training his dog off leash at VES. When someone else came by, he told her to take her dog to a different field, as his dog could be aggressive. She did, but unhappily, and now plans to return. She says if she ever sees his dog being aggressive at VES, she’ll pepper spray them both. This is clearly the best solution to the problem and will not backfire or lead to any unintended consequences.
But wait, aren’t we supposed to be passive-aggressive here? Don’t pepper spray people who upset you. Simply say something like, “Dogs become reactive if they live in chaotic environments,” then point at the spot where his shirt isn’t perfectly tucked in. Years from now, long after pepper spray would have worn off, he’ll check that all the towels in the closet are perfectly folded before petting his aged dog and going to bed.
We’ve been upset about dog poo bags on the side of the road. Maybe dogs are too much for us to handle. We should stick with rabbits and cats until we get our act together.
My dog would be fine in the wild. He could hunt and build himself a den and befriend the local wildlife. The only reason he’s dependent on me is because he can’t open doors. It’s kinda weird that we’ve taken wolves and bred them to accept being dependent on us in a world just a few steps away from animal freedom. Dog food must taste really good, I guess.
There was a fawn skeleton on offer. It went pretty quickly. Everyone tagged the same guy, who came by in a neon outfit, dirty from welding, to pick up the skeleton. We never found out what he’d use the skeleton for, or why he’s the fawn skeleton guy. If anyone knows, please update us.
There were boxes available this week, complete with packing peanuts. They’d be perfect for storing a fawn skeleton.
Thriftway isn’t able to carry enough oat milk to meet demand. We’re all in mourning. We’ve tried other milks, but nothing compares to cold, soupy oatmeal. I still remember the time a couple years ago when they stopped carrying the one juice box my daughter liked. We had to go home and light candles and share our favorite memories of that juice.
And remember when they redid the produce section? It feels normal now, but for weeks we were disoriented, buying lemons instead of apples because we shop by spatial memory.
King County is considering reducing the speed limit between Magnolia Beach and Inspiration point from 45mph to 35mph. This has led to a heated discussion about who the roads belong to. Is it really the responsibility of drivers to go slowly and watch for walkers and bikers? Or should bikers and pedestrians advocate for the creation of sidewalks along the cliff face so that they can safely use the public roads that their tax dollars pay for? By my calculation, it will take 1.14 additional minutes to drive that 3 mile stretch at the lower speed limit. This is an interminable amount of time to be driving along a scenic road. I say we build a high speed rail from Burton to Tahlequah.
Lastly, someone found a really cool rock.
We’ll see you next week, unless the snow apocalypse takes out our power, in which case please write your most controversial opinions in the snow in my backyard.