Renegade Unicorn Delights, Riles Residents

Vashon, Washington

A unicorn is reportedly on the loose on the misty isle of Vashon, Washington. The unicorn’s owner, who wishes to remain anonymous, recently moved to the island for its purported “magical and dreamy” qualities.

“I thought it would be the perfect place for a mythical creature,” she stated over lavender tea at the world-famous Minglement.

“I had no idea I would have to exercise responsibility, properly fence my property or be held accountable. I thought I could start fights on
facebook, ignore the culture and generally be rude but that my unicorn would make everything alright. Magical and dreamy should be all that we need. At least…I thought.”

Pausing in tears for a moment she added, “I’m sorry about all the glitter.”

Glitter bombs have been reported at Center Island Forest within the past several months.

The owner continued, “There just aren’t that many certified unicorn handlers in this area of the country. It’s not a simple problem.”

Several residents have raised concerns. Complaints include the copious amounts of glitter in unauthorized areas, delays at the four-way stop due to gawking, long waits at the ferry and unusual sounds.

“She can’t help it. When she starts galloping, her golden hooves can create a sonic bomb. The whirling of her tail can also generate a whooping-sound.”

The owner states that she does indeed find Vashon to be magical and dreamy, although she is dismayed by the water pressure, several encounters with the police (non-unicorn related), the effort of waving
people through the four-way stop and also by the dismay of residents who don’t appreciate her unicorn.

“She really is magical,” the owner concludes. “Before she escaped she was going to start a laundromat.”

Anyone who sees the unicorn is advised not to touch her unless you are a pure spirit. Residents are advised to watch the movie “Legend” for further reference.

Author: jwestbeld

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