Only on Vashon – The Monthly Rundown May 2026

Spring has sprung, which means it’s time for long walks on the beach so we can add to our collection of shark jaw bones. 

I love that this picture includes two reminders to spray the pans. 

Someone posts a link to a google search which brings up videos such as the one titled: DIY How to Preserve Shark Jaws (Tips and Tricks) and Preserving a Shark Jaw How to Taxidermy JAWS DIY.

 I love Search Engine Optimization language. I’m gonna start naming these columns Vashon Island How to Tips and Tricks DIY Easy For Beginners Full Episode Free. 

And speaking of nature walks, we have these lovely beings out for a stroll. 

My favorite thing is that this is a four second video, and in the background the song 3 am by Matchbox Twenty is on the radio. 

We all assume the cows are out there to participate in the market economy. One person says, “Going to the Mercantile for some chocolate milk perhaps.”

Another adds, “I think they were looking for their morning latte and maybe some conversation.”

Some people see them not as consumers and shoppers, but as symbols of freedom.

One says, “livin they liiiiivez.”

Soon they’ll be popping wheelies. 

Another adds, “Cruisin the backroads”

No one gets this excited when I take a walk to the Burton coffee stand.

Someone makes this astute observation “Those are even bigger than the coyote I saw Tuesday night.”

One would hope. I mean, imagine if our local coyotes were bigger than cows. People would be posting about keeping your cats and your dogs indoors. Some people would even post that we need to keep our children indoors, what with the half-ton predators lurking around. Then other people would respond that kids are meant to face adversity and should be left unsupervised in the presence of beefy coyotes in order to build character. Kids today are just too busy looking at their screens to experience the primal terror of having a leg ripped off by the world’s least cute dog. 

If you’re too lazy to go cruising, you could also lie out in the sun, like this little guy. 

One person must think this cat is defective, as they ask, “is there some sort of rebate? ”

Yes. Bring your cat to me and I will give you all the coupons that come in my weekly Beachcomber. 

One person requests, “Better get some tiny sunglasses pronto. ”

Ask and ye shall receive. 

One person comments, “Your cat is living her best life!”

I love that lying around doing nothing is considered the best life. By that metric, I have the most enviable life of anyone I know. 

We all do that thing where we compare cute animals to food. One says, “Such a fluffy Creamsicle. ”

The original poster clarifiers, “he’s more like spicy chorizo and sour cream He’s got a very … distinct… personality but we love him ”

I’m seeing more of a tiramisu, or maybe some Nilla Wafers with whipped cream (aka the poor man’s tiramisu, aka my dinner last Tuesday.) 

One person goes so far as to say, “Thank you, thank you. This image reminded me to breathe…. Xox”

Everyone reading this: please remember to breathe. If you forget to breathe, you will die within a few minutes. I don’t mean to stress you out, but I just want you to be aware of how important it is to breathe. 

Have you breathed? Good. Now you have the energy to commit crimes. Just be careful where you choose to misbehave. Certain places are fiercely guarded. 

Apparently this dog is named Peanut, and everyone who sees this picture immediately speaks of his valor. This dog is definitely bound for Valhalla. 

Comments include: 

• “Peanut doesn’t mess around!”
• “Peanut looks like he will mess you up.”
• “He’s pretty sweet outside of his truck….i wouldn’t trust putting my hand in there though!”
• “Peanut will cut you bitches and ask for a treat”

Others are disappointed by his police-like presence. One person says, “But that’s my favorite place to do crimes. ”

One islander came up with a workaround: flagrant corruption. “I paid him off so I can continue to do crimes.”

Some people clearly haven’t figured out that the law only binds you if you are in the out-group, and that the road into the in-group is paved with bribes. One person says, “After seeing that badass, I’m not committing any crimes anywhere on island, OR overtown.”

Others try to find a shared humanity with the people/chihuahuas who’ve been given license to commit violence. One says, “I have mad respect for Peanut and his pitbull sized attitude. Every now and again we engage in a bit of a stare down in the parking lot. I end up giggling and talking to him and he’s been the sweetest”

Some have gone so far as to pet him! “I first met Peanut in the IGA parking lot & he let me pet him. He’s so damn cute! “

Does this dog just do the parking lot circuit? Is he just keeping an eye on every parking lot and looking for suspicious behavior? He would’ve singled me out the other day. I parked in front of the bank at Thriftway, and I noted to my children, “I’ve lived on the island for 13 years, and this is the first time I’ve parked in this spot.” They were not impressed. Well, until Peanut asked why I was behaving so suspiciously, then tased me. 

Apparently, Peanut has a partner. One person says,  “Tell Peanut and Pistachio I feel so much safer when they are around ”

One person notes something I’d missed in the picture, but that is really sweet. They say, “I love that they have a ramp to go in and out the back window!!”

Because the island’s small dogs are all busy policing parking lots, none of them are doing the job they were bred to do- killing vermin. So now we need help with rats. 

The first thing we do is ask if the person is wrong about their experience. One person says, “Could it have been a squirrel? ”

The poster responds, “it was inside a wall. I don’t think one would fit”

After my dad’s cat died, he kept seeing a fluffy tail out of the corner of his eye. He assumed it was just his imagination because he missed the cat. Turns out a squirrel had gotten into the house. So they can fit into little spaces like rats.

Another person says, “it might be carpenter ants.. I had the same thing a number of years ago and was shocked ants eating my house were so loud!’”

What if your whole house was not built in 1908 but is in fact a massive beehive masquerading as a waterfront bungalow? One person tells us this harrowing tale, “Our first house in Seattle had an infestation of bees in the walls. I noticed a scratching noise when I was in the bathroom taking a shower. Thank goodness we called someone when we did, because they were eating the drywall (hence the scratching noise). I have since heard of people who were investigating a similar phenomenon and put an arm through the wall into the nest. In short order they had a house filled with angry bees!”

The original poster clarifies that it is, in fact, rats, though with the caveat that their house has already had the most delectable wire coverings eaten by insects. They say, “ ahhh, yes, we are well acquainted with this problem as we had a hornet hive in our wall a couple of years ago. We now have an infrared device for our camera so we can see hot spots through the walls. This was more vigorous chewing by one critter.”

Finally someone gives a solution to the problem rather than trying to convince the person that the problem is different than the one they clearly outlined. They say, “Cat.”

Animals aren’t the only ones out having a good time in the nice weather. The kids have emerged like spring daffodils, too. 

Some people, the sort who would let kids face off against mega-coyotes, have comments such as this one: “Just let nature take its course.”

A person using the anonymous name PrettyCapybara1443 says, “Karma i hope it gets and a bad one at that.”

To which someone replies, “???”

PrettyCapybara1443  explains what they meant with this koan,“crash simple doesn’t care for others on the road so karma crash.”

I think what they mean is that these children are making bad decisions, which will lead to a crash, which will lead to their eventual rebirth in another lifetime as a creature who fears cars, such as a deer. 

One person responds, “your syntax is only surpassed by your character.”

PrettyCapybara1443 defends their character with this hypothetical:  “o ya would you be saying that if they knocked you down or a family member nooooo you wouldn’t so shut the f up”

To which the other commenter retorts: “bro could get his head exploded and would be more articulate than you.”

One person brings the conversation back on track. What can we as adults do to set a better example for the kids? “Folks talking about karma and nature taking course need to take a minute to reflect. Kids do stupid things, it’s our job to teach them not to do stupid things and hopefully before there are permanent repercussions.”  

PrettyCapybara1443 has this idea, “you sound stupid.”

Some of us remember fondly being young, stupid, and resilient when injured. One islander says, “I used to weave in and out of traffic on a bicycle doing all types of stunts. I am still alive (9 lives are real when you’re young) I’ll bet those kids excel in life for risk taking (not saying they were in the right). Also, really happy to know they are out there living .. no matter how dumb they may appear. I’d bet they were in full control .. give them a brake .. or .. break. Also, seriously, I understand your concern. Wheelies are a dead and classic art form .. if the kid can hold one … i’ll bet they are fully aware of where the cars are. ”

There’s another wheelie appreciator in the group. They say, “I see those kids roll by chevron all the time. Those wheelies are sick!”

And one person points out that the kids aren’t to blame. It’s the multi-ton vehicles that would actually cause damage in a crash. “Really, the problem is the cars! Wheelie on lil bro! ”

Cars aren’t the only danger. There’s also the sort of weapon that was used in the Siege of Constantinople. We have this post: 

The answer: “It’s opening day at the yacht club and that was a cannon being shot off to begin the boat parade.”

Are yachts engaging in old-timey piracy? Why are there cannons!?!?

The original poster is happy by this answer. They say, “Oh geez! hahaha! I’m so relieved! Thank you for telling me! Phew!!”

Wait! I am not relieved! I do not want cannons shot near my house! No wonder orcas are taking down yachts if this is how yacht owners behave. 

I’m not the only one who doesn’t like the idea of cannon fire. One person says, “Terrible ”

To which one responds, “It’s not terrible. It’s a tradition.”

Oh, well that changes it. We wouldn’t want to stop doing something stupid and dangerous on account that we’ve always been doing that stupid and dangerous thing. And by “always,” I don’t mean since the beginning of time, but just since the first time someone had a few beers and made up the ritual of SHOOTING A CANNON NEAR MY HOUSE. 

Someone who is chided for not liking this tradition gives this response, which I endorse,  “My apologies that my snarky comment about an unannounced rich people parade [caused you to become] the comment police. [I had] to return two neighborhood dogs who were freaked out by the unannounced Cannon blast for a membership only club that only members would get the warning of when this would happen.” I  have edited the original comment for clarity. If I edited it badly and the commenter meant something else, feel free to leave a comment about it on this article. Just please use shorter sentences. My internet-addled brain can only hold a few brief words and images at one time. 

This perfectly reasonable reaction to having cannon fire unexpectedly go off while you are walking dogs garnered this response, “Eat a Snickers.” I also endorse this response, not because it’s okay to be rude to people, but because I enjoy eating candy. 

And though cannons are somehow still operational, some more modern technology has gone amiss. 

This causes someone to ask, “Just curious; what does one typically need to plug in the rest room on a ferry?”

You plug in a bunch of computers and have a LAN party. Or plug in some disco lights and a stereo and have a dance party.  Or plug in your synthesizer and guitar amp and hold a concert.  Why do you think women always go to the bathroom in groups?

One person informs us, “hair dryer, speaking as a retired commuter.. LOL.”

The original poster tells us what they were doing in the bathroom, even though it’s none of anyone’s business and we shouldn’t have been asking. “Yup, I’m currently doing makeup on the boat ” And posting on the internet at the same time? Way to multitask. You’re very talented. 

Not only are our ferry bathrooms falling apart. We have this pile of disheveled concrete. 

One person says, “It’s there for a reason. Calm down.”

Yes, but what is that reason? Is it a tiny Stonehenge made by mice? 

One person gives us a plausible reason. “That’s been there for a while. Pretty certain it’s there for filler in the mud holes.”

If so, the holes are a bit overfilled. 

We get more history of this very particular pile of concrete. “It’s typically brought in by one of the residents right in that area. As has been stated in posts from previous years.” I love that they know not just the history of the pile of broken concrete slabs, but also a meta-history of the tales told about the pile. I feel like we have our very own Homer, a chronicler of our island lore. They continue, “Likely they have been waiting for the water to dry out. Large rocks are often laid down as a base in swampy areas when new roads are constructed. Likely the concept this resident is aiming for.”

This is pretty much what every grand project I conceive of ends up looking like. You should see my drawer of poorly crocheted half-scarves. 

Some people are skeptical of our bard’s recounting. One says, “They’ve been working on that mud hole so they can drive 150 or so feet to the next one? Which is many times worse. If you say so.”

Much as a journey starts with one footstep, a properly paved road starts with one massive pothole that’s been haphazardly filled with broken concrete slabs. 

Perhaps the brave builder only needed to fill one hole. Because the danger of Scylla and Charybdis is that the two of them are close together. Fill one in with broken concrete and bam! No more need to lose sailors. 

Finally, we have a post lamenting how we choose to advertise our island- by putting the loudest cannoneers on the cover of Destination Vashon. 

One person says, “This wouldn’t entice me to come and explore Vashon.”

Same here. It looks like people doing a bunch of work. One guy is straight up kneeling on concrete. That’s brutal on the knees! They should put a picture of a nice mossy stump if they want to entice me to come visit. Although I’m probably not the target audience, on account that I already live here. 

We have suggestions about what would have made for a better image. One person says, “Should’ve taken a pic of Rainier from the O space. Near the radio towers when the goats are home”

Another adds, “And should show a bunch of foul mouth graffiti and garbage on the street”

Yet another idea: “I would have featured the public toilet building at the Farmers Market.”

And another bold idea: “Wait, you don’t think a picture of the stairs by the ferry would be fitting.”

I went to Google maps to get a picture of the stairway, because lord knows I’m too lazy to leave my house and go there to take a picture. But the photo google has is old and doesn’t have all the graffiti!. 

They also have the Tramp Harbor Utility box before Stalk got in a graffiti battle with the duck picture. And they have my favorite dumpster before someone wrote Spring Break on it.

But back to the picture of the marina. Who are they trying to appeal to?  One person says, “But clearly they’re trying to appeal to boaters. Which is pointless, because there’s really nothing to do at any of the Marinas. I wish there were little restaurants and cafés at the Marinas, but there aren’t.”

Another adds, “Trying to attract those who can afford boats and marina fees. ”

Someone tries to mollify us by pointing out that the image chosen for the cover of a free magazine is not truly reflective of who we are. They say, “Okay, y’all, come on, it’s not THAT bad. When you live on Vashon for any number of years, you may start to take mundane scenes like this one for granted. I know this because I live in suburban Ohio now. Do you know what is considered beautiful here? An empty parking lot under a nice sunset. A neat and tidy Dollar General store. A 2004 Buick LeSabre with less than 150,000 miles. You could have it so much worse, people. Now go read your Beachcomber.”

The commenter is right. We have it good, aesthetically speaking. In some towns, the dumpsters and utility boxes are grey. 

One person doesn’t see any issue. They say, “I don’t see the problem. The Vashon QuarterMaster Marina is a beautiful place.”

To which someone responds, “ And also private…..”

This gets the empathetic response, “boo hoo poor you. Your life is so sad. You’ll have to view it from the hill like everyone else. Everyone who lives there recognizes what a treat it is.”

Someone, possibly even the concrete pile bard, has this response. “Maybe you missed the ongoing Vashon conversation about the increasingly proscribed “Commons” and examples such as: how we used to politely walk the beaches at low tide, have beach fires, use the Tramp Harbor dock to go fishing, visit the local community stores, roam the woods and so on. Did you just move here? Do you even live here? Did your parents commute? What’s your beef, bro?”

This is a good point. So much of the world is private property that is walled off from us. Why advertise an island full of parks and public beaches with an image of a private club? We should advertise it in a way that better matches our whole island vibe. 

One enterprising isalnder made a few sample covers to replace it. 

“Fixed it for ya,” they say.

One person asks, “Is that meta fugly’s boat?”

It is! That yacht is currently parked in the Seattle Marina, being perpetually heckled. 

One person is suspicious of the new covers. They say. “This seems like a fake ad given the url isn’t real and the phone number is Pandora’s Box.”

Hmmm, well spotted. It was the alien holding the fish that made me suspect there might be some Photoshop afoot. 

One person posted this hidden gem that I think could be emblematic of Vashon. 

People have good ideas for how to use it. One person says, “Just the box would make a decent storage shed”

Another adds, “Tiny home”

And an entrepreneurial isalnder says, “start putting them in your yard & rent em out”

This post contains all the hallmarks of Vashon: moss, decay, spiderwebs, and precarious housing. 

So, here’s my pitch for Destination Vashon 2027-2028:

PS. Don’t forget to breathe!

PPS. Spray your pans!