In this time of great turmoil, let’s not forget what’s truly important: getting mad about little things and being petty. We start with this complaint:
A commenter asks, “Did it ruin your day?”
Yes! Aligning your car perfectly with the pump is the only way to find satisfaction in this world. Please do not deny this joy to those of us who’ve made liking Tetris the basis of our personalities.
A person comes forward and apologizes: “Sorry! I feel like that was probably me. When I pulled in there was a car at the pump in front of me, but I got a call from the liquor store with questions. I went to help at the liquor store and just took too long. 
”
First off, what life choices led you to a point where you’re on call to drop everything and answer questions for the liquor store? Sometimes I look at other people’s lives, see the path not taken, and feel a deep regret for a life I didn’t know it was possible to have. I could have been a liquor fixer.
Maybe it’s not the driver’s fault. How can we expect people to park correctly when the lines are never painted evenly? We have this post:
One person reminds us of a great work of public art once enacted on our streets: “Remember the MHP instead of MPH painted right past Burton? That was amazing 
”
An islander replies, “I still whisper Miles Her Power when I go through there 
”
Those of us who see the lines on the road as a form of communication, meant to guide our actions so we can safely navigate public spaces, stare at these lines in great confusion. One such person says, “A sweet part of my day is speculating about the meaning of the single squiggly yellow line.”
Does it mean we can’t cross? Does it mean we need to slalom down the street? In this daunting world there are few reliable sources of information, if even the lines in the road no longer communicate what they should, then how can we ever find truth?
On the theme of unclear messaging, some people have haphazardly painted their political beliefs on the ground.
From a graphic design standpoint that graffiti could use work. It’s not utilizing space well. For example, writing End (peace sign) Zionism would be more clear and effective if you wrote End Zionism (peace sign). Putting the peace sign right after the word End makes it look like you want to end peace, which is the opposite of your message.
Also, putting the A in taco as an anarchist sign is combining two separate messages. One message is that the president always chickens out, and the other is that we should create a society free of hierarchies. Combining these two messages in one graphic makes it hard to figure out the thesis of your work. Do you want a world where leaders have consistent behavior and stick to their word, or a world where there is much less power residing with an individual? You can of course have both, but I think the link between these ideas should be developed more clearly. Perhaps next time use a Sharpie and complete sentences.
I realize that graffiti is a first draft and can’t be edited like the above Facebook post, which was apparently edited 3 times. Maybe just paint an asterisk next to your graffiti and write an explanation for it in the street. But use better handwriting. Maybe get tips from Bad Dad, who always writes legibly.
Our petty complaints aren’t limited to the internet. Some people have gone into the actual physical world and yelled at people at their workplaces. We have the following post:
The first thing we need to do is figure out who the perpetrator might be so we can validate our prejudices. One commenter says, “Was that an island person or a tourist???? I think tourists are more entitled than I find island people… just like they cut in line at the ferry and play dumb… Island people tend to sit at the 4 way stop and try to be ‘too generous’ and let everyone ‘go’… Which drives me crazy…”
The poster replies, “Nope. An islander.” Oh no! My precious prejudices are being put into doubt!
But others aren’t surprised it’s not a tourist. One person says, “That’s Vashon for you. A bunch of entitled rich assholes. It’s their way or the highway.” New prejudice unlocked! I now believe islanders are bossy.
Some people don’t differentiate between tourist and islander, Us and Them, but rather see this as simply another sign of the recent downfall of humankind. One person says, “Noticed the look down your nose attitude starting two years ago…entitled Islanders AND tourists…”
Other commenters are sympathetic. Just because someone was a total jerk to you doesn’t mean they’re a total jerk. One person says, “Many people are ’out of sorts’. The key is to recognize everyone might be trying hard to pull it together.”
I get that times are tough and sometimes we’re overwhelmed and just need to let it out. But don’t take your problems out on the barista! Take them out on your family like a well-adjusted person.
Also, we should all go out of our way to be polite to people in service jobs. The background level of stress is so high that a small act of kindness can feel like a major relief.
One islander refers to this behavior as “Facebook mentality.” People whose brains have been steeped in an algorithmically generated environment meant to hold you captive with rage have, unfortunately, left the house. And they have strong opinions on how their burgers should be cooked.
Obnoxious customers are bad, but you know who are the true enemies of the state? Ultra marathon runners.
People who live with and love ultra marathoners form a support group in the comments. One says, “How well I know. I know one that hiked up a mountain, camped overnight, skied down then ran a marathon. At the age of 67. Absolutely unhinged behavior. signed woman married to him for 34 years.”
Jesus, just watch extreme sports on TV like a normal person.
Another commenter describes an experience they had with their ultra-marathoning spouse: “‘Oh! Do you want me to run that 15k with you, you’ve been training really hard!’” *Runs backwards for 9+ miles carrying on a conversation about bees or some shit.”
This is monstrous. People with that much energy should be put on exercise bikes and used to generate electricity.
An islander is sympathetic to these overpowered beasts. They say, “I don’t think people should judge others by their addictions- you don’t know what paths life has taken them down. Hold your judgement until you’ve run a mile in their shoes.”
Oh, I will judge. Judging others is how I silence the guilty voice in my brain that tells me I should be more active and involved.
Some say it goes beyond an addiction. They say ultra-marathon running is a cult. We have this description of what happens after someone has been indoctrinated:
One way we could stop this madness is to line all our running paths with broken glass. Some helpful teens in Ober Park have started this public service project, but not everyone is happy about it.
The anonymous poster called the cops, but because no one saw the teens break the glass, and also the teens said they didn’t break the glass, the cops couldn’t do anything. I mean, what can you do to a teen whose only crime is being in proximity to broken glass? Charge them with tomfoolery?
Many islanders want to find a positive motive for this behavior. One says, “Maybe it’s an end of the school year art project… like an F-You to the world.”
The middle schoolers are painting a mural, but maybe some kids wanted to have a more three-dimensional, interactive art piece to commemorate their time at school.
Another person corroborates the art theory. They say, “Years ago I was walking towards the park and came upon broken pieces of a white ceramic plate with that had angsty teen writing on it with a sharpie. I took a pictures of it and will try to dig around this weekend to find them.“
But the original poster is not convinced. They say, “This was not some artistic angst thing. It was broken bottles of some soft drink with the marble in the top. They probably wanted the marbles.”
Then the solution is to bring marbles to the park so kids don’t need to break glass to get to marbles. Just keep the marbles away from kids under three.
One poster has a forward-thinking solution. “Teach manners? Class at Ober Park. Oh, and teach cleaning up after yourself.”
I love this idea. After the karate class clears out of the building at Ober Park, we could have a finishing class! We could teach them to lift their pinkies when they drink tea, how to fold napkins, and the duty we all share to keep public places safe and accessible.
Another person interprets manners class slightly differently. They say “actually? lololol. A rage room/area is therapeutic and might be a great resource for kids.”
Another person suggests old-school discipline. “A firm slap on the ass and no online brainrot for a year.”
Okay, the first one is assault, but the second one sounds good. If you don’t have a teen at home and don’t know what brainrot is, let me fill you in. It consists of short, vapid YouTube videos with AI-generated images of things like a cup of cappuccino that is also a ballerina. They are accompanied by catchy songs with lyrics just nonsensical enough to be un-memorizable. Many of these are called “Italian brainrot” because the songs are in Italian, or at least, a semblance of Italian interspersed with nonsense sounds.
When you watch it, you become dumber. It’s perfectly, surgically targeted to break the connections of the synapses in your brain that allow you to make meaning out of the world. The army could use brainrot on the battlefield to confuse enemies. The world of brainrot is just a swirling array of images and color, completely devoid of meaning and consequence. Perhaps watching it makes you disassociate cause and effect, so you break glass for the sensory pleasure of it without thought to the aftermath.
But some think it was a purposeful act of protest. One says, “Maybe they’re being rebellious because their mosaic of pretty glass pieces were torn out from there
”
It’s not just bored teens and mean customers who are causing problems. Even out on the hiking trail, you find people doing petty things, such as dumping their poo bags in people’s lawns.
Sorry about that. I was aiming for a Tesla and missed.
Author: Anna Shomsky
I'm a former teacher and a data engineer living on Vashon Island. My writing has appeared in Five on the Fifth, Women on Writing and on the Post-Culture Podcast. I wrote and produced the radio show Whispers of Vashon for 101.9 KVSH. I’ve had short stories published in the anthologies Island Stories and Chicken Scratchings, as well as through the Open Space Literary Project.
