only on vashon – the weekly rundown 10/01/21

Our latest kerfuffle involves yoga with goats. An islander is curious if anyone is going to start goat yoga on the island, after reading about it on seattlenorthcountry.com

An actual yoga instructor chimed in to clarify that “yoga with goats” is not actually yoga. It should instead be called “Playtime with Goats.” Though if you consider in this scenario that the person is the yoga mat and the goat is the one doing yoga, I think it still qualifies.

Others note that zoonotic diseases can pass from goat to human. Do we really want to be the epicenter of Covid22? 

Also, why does it have to be goats? As one islander says, “there are plenty of nimble creatures that use more discretion in their evacuation habits.” Good thing, because someone else volunteered to host a bring-your-pet-to-workout day, and maybe even collaborate with a local animal shelter. We may get a bring-a-feral-cat-to-workout day.

And since we’re so into getting trampled by goats, a farmer offered that we just come over to their pasture and lay down. Free of charge! I’m 100% taking you up on this. Please leave the address in the comments. 

Some of us worry, though. What happens to the baby goats when they get too big for yoga? Are they “retired?” If I’m understanding this comment correctly, it’s implying that there’s an industry for farming baby goats, selling them to yoga studios, then collecting them and culling them when they get too big to prance on people’s nethers. But maybe the older goats make a career change to being rent-a-ruminants who eat blackberries. 

Goats just can’t escape the gig economy, can they?

Some think it’s sad that Vashon has become trendy, and is following the herd (get it? herd? nvm). Maybe we should be ashamed that we would so easily fall into the nationwide craze of doing yoga with a goat. 

An islander asked if Costco has a good price for vanilla, or if they should just buy it on island. 

We get into the nuts-and-bolts distinction between vanilla extract and vanilla flavoring, a difference we’re told is so glaring unless you smoke. Then we point out that Mexican vanilla is far superior to American vanilla, and can be bought at Mexican grocery stores. Even better, if you happen to go to Mexico, you should stock up while you’re there. Lastly, we recommend making your own extract by taking a vanilla bean and soaking it in vodka. 

So, to sum up, if you can’t decide whether to buy vanilla at Costco or Thriftway, the best choice is to  go to Mexico and buy a vanilla orchid, wait for the bean to mature, then soak it in top quality vodka for six months. 

In the rants group, we talk about rumors, as Vashon is allegedly rumor central. Half of us want to hear the rumor that spurred the post. We suspect it’s a case of mistaken identity. 

One islander commented that the way to defeat rumors is with the sunlight of truth, and that “vagueposting” doesn’t help. On Twitter we’d call that kind of passive-aggressive response ‘subtweeting.’ I love all the new words we’ve developed to describe the cultural blossoming of obnoxious behavior that the internet has enabled.

Someone managed to steal a mini excavator off someone’s lawn, destroying a chunk of fence in the process.

We suggest floodlights around town, drones with cameras, and calling the ferries to see if anyone drove on in a mini excavator. You’d think that it’d stand out.

And of course we take the opportunity to cite this as yet another reason to oppose a bridge, as the bridge would lead to excessive amounts of mini excavator theft.

Anna Shomsky
Author: Anna Shomsky

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