We start this week with this fabulous parking job.
One person calls it, “Mud bog mindset.”
Someone else points out, somewhat obviously, “Hey you can’t park there.”
Why don’t people avoid such puddles? One person tells us how she could easily end up in this situation: “Oh man. I’m totally one of those people that does the side puddle swoop to make kids laugh. Good thing I didn’t do it there 
I don’t know if this is the same van my family passed up the other day, but there was this young man with a white van half buried in the ditch, and so we stopped and asked if he needed help. He said he’d already called the tow truck.
An hour later on our way home from the beach, he was still there, but there were two beautiful women with him who’d brought him berries. They were all sitting together on the beach.
My husband said, “It’s been an hour since he called for a tow. Do you think we should help?” And I was like, “I think he’s doing just fine. Let’s not intervene.”
Anyway,if driving my car in the puddle by Eliisport will get beautiful women to bring me berries, then it’s time to see how deep I can sink my Hyundai Sonata.
This does bring up the question, why is that area always flooded? One person tells us, “maps show it as a creek that originates south of town.”
Luckily, the county has solved the problem with this innovative approach to water management.
Not only are the sides of our roads covered in water, they also have accumulated trash. But not just any trash, free trash.
An islander posts, “Why do people dump random crap on the corner of 216th and 103rd? LIke this paint that was dumped yesterday? Who do you contact to clean it up? Since living here, I have seen camping trailers, couches, mattresses, and random garbage dumped here. Suggestions on how to stop it?”
Another islander chimes in and says, “I just posted on buy nothing. Maybe someone will come get it. 
The commenter gets berated for dumping stuff, but lo and behold, they were not the dumper, just the messenger. They then later check on the pile and say, “HA!! Someone went and got some of the paint from my post on Buy Nothing!!”
Some people point out that leaving a free pile is fine if you do it in front of your own house, but it’s a little weird to do it in front of someone else’s house.
But the ever-thoughtful group members who assume everyone must have good intentions say that this is true if you have the privilege of living close to a busy road. But what if you live in a cozy bungalow tucked back in the woods on a private road? How would a poor soul in that situation avoid the hazardous waste dumping fee? We should be thoughtful and let them leave a free pile in front of our more accessible houses.
Others figure we can do some sleuthing to find out who dumped the trash. They suggest checking the labels on the paint cans for names. Turns out the villain’s name is Light Lavender.
Other say we should “check the cameras at the dump and see who couldn’t drop the paint off.”
Another says, “ I like the idea of wildlife cameras/Ring cameras, forms and accountability 
I have a question for our detectives. After we’re done sleuthing, what’ll we do with our knowledge? Do we track the person down and put the paint back on their porch?
If I learned anything this week, it’s that the rules of garbage disposal are hard to understand. Take for example this photo an astute islander posted of the ferry garbage can.
One islander calls it “The duality of man”
Another says, “Yeah, always a favorite. Especially now that my kids can read, and they’re like….wait what??! Which one?”
A ferry worker shares photos of the many constellations of garbage cans.
I love that someone was so bothered by the mislabeling of cans that they documented it for posterity. Either that or they’re a connoisseur of trash and they have a whole album on their phone called “favorite garbage cans’ that they add to every day, the way I have an album called ‘Dogs in Pickup Trucks.”
We have another post about a topic that I have also had on my mind. Someone posts, “WHO TF IS SETTING OFF FIREWORKS WHEN IT IS AS DRY AS A POPCORN FART AROUND HERE?! JULY 4TH IS OVER! KNOCK IT OFF!”
We all react to the most important aspect of this post: farts.
One person says, “I eat lots of popcorn. Maybe he and I should compare farts”
Someone responds: “yer the sound guy you tell what constitutes a popcorn fart and what don’t!”
Another person clarifies that the simile is not accurate. They say, “not to be pedantic, but the saying is “hotter than a popcorn fart”. Or “hotter than a three-dollar pistol”.” Okay, but the concern isn’t the hotness, but the dryness. It’s no big deal being drier than an egg fart or a beer fart, or a three-dollar-pistol, or even a four-dollar-pistol for that matter. It’s drier than the driest of them all, a popcorn fart.
We then go on to compare the best popcorn toppings to maximize the fragrance of our farts. One says, “ I like mine with lots of butter and brewer’s yeast!”
Another responds. “ your farts will prob win. I do butter and when I’m feeling real indulgent the packet of cheese powder from a box of Kraft Mac and cheese. I’m kind of a garbage person tho. But yeah people shouldn’t be lighting off fireworks now.”
Why do we judge our character by the quality of food we eat? You’re not garbage for eating Kraft mac and cheese. You probably have a heart of gold. You’re more like recycling in a bin marked ‘garbage.’
Author: Anna Shomsky
I'm a former teacher and a data engineer living on Vashon Island. My writing has appeared in Five on the Fifth, Women on Writing and on the Post-Culture Podcast. I wrote and produced the radio show Whispers of Vashon for 101.9 KVSH. I’ve had short stories published in the anthologies Island Stories and Chicken Scratchings, as well as through the Open Space Literary Project.
