Only on Vashon – The Monthly Rundown July 2026

It’s summer, the tourists are here, and we’re all getting out more. And you know what that means: we are all uptown, crossing each other’s paths, colliding with each other, and taking up space that someone else intended to take up. This chaos is most apparent at the four-way, where pedestrians and vehicles compete for dominance. 

In their post they include a gif that bounces between the below two pictures of bears, presumably in the hopes of illustrating their point. Maybe the  brown bear is meant to represent a car, which is apparently a violent force of nature and not a machine driven by a human who should be paying attention to their surroundings. Or maybe it’s meant to represent how parents should behave in crosswalks: by mauling anyone or anything that gets near their children. 

The bear on the left is making eye contact with a driver and waving. That is the bear you should be. The bear on the right is intimidating you in the hopes that you’ll leave her alone. This is the New York style of crossing the street and is considered rude west of the Rocky Mountains. 

We, the people of Vashon, have conflicting feelings about this. One person says,  “Yeah it is in fact your job as a driver to not hit pedestrians. And ALSO your job as a driver to look for pedestrians at the cross walk. If it’s too stressful for you to manage, might I suggest the bus?”

A member so brave they choose to stay anonymous to hide their superhero identity responds by saying, “Dang, you are the ‘white paper’ for why we need more Darwinism. I could just hang out in my house, draw government benefits I do not deserve, and being a “keyboard” warrior like you. I am sure you take the bus.” [sic]

I do love when anonymous people on the internet call strangers keyboard warriors. Like, if you’re battling a warrior, what does that make you? 

Our fearless member responds to this bizarrely ignorant attack by saying, “bruh I’ve got two cars and they’re both paid off, and I don’t hit pedestrians Oh driving is so hard, I have to THINK and LOOK while moving my TON of metal at high speeds. With great privilege comes great responsibility.”

Side note: there is nothing wrong with receiving government benefits. The only people who receive government benefits that they do not deserve are contractors who get millions of dollars to badly paint a pool. 

Many of us agree with the commenter who has somehow managed to pay off two cars. One says, “Agreed. Pedestrians don’t kill anyone when they screw up. There’s a reason we don’t require licenses to walk down the sidewalk.”

Are you saying that the person with the powerful and dangerous vehicle is the one who needs to be more careful? That’s like saying that if I’m throwing ninja stars around in the woods, then I, the ninja, need to be on the look out for other hikers. Clearly, other hikers should stay out of the path of my ninja stars. 

One commenter is taken aback by the idea of adding a stop light in town. They say, “Please don’t say stop light at the 4 way…don’t give up! Think of all the pussies over town…those stop lights have made them weak….you are tougher than that! You got this!”

Yes, nothing toughens a person up quite like driving in the suburbs. Those city folks, with their sidewalks and Zumba gyms and Space Needles and weird Trader Joe parking lots know nothing of valor. 

One person leaves us with this message of love, that I hope we can all take to heart. “So many tourists this year that do not know how to walk the mean streets of Vashon, but we’re all in this together, let’s look out for each other! ”

You’d think we’d be done complaining about the one busy intersection in town. But no. It is the place we all congregate, so all of our squabbles take place here. We have this post: 

Apparently there were multiple witnesses to this travesty. One person says, “It was a dramatic moment, even for the 4 way.”

Another says, “The White Tesla of Entitlement strikes again…”

A third person adds, “I thought it was a Porsche?”

The original poster (OP) says, “it could have been – maybe I have White Tesla bias from all the other gross behaviors sighted!”

Anonymous member 940  says, “I remember a time on the island when everyone wasn’t a whiny miserable city person. Those days are long gone.”

The OP responds, “Obviously you refer to the Tesla driver. Country folk would never backup to wait in an intersection for a parking spot, we’d take our damned horses around the corner!”

I think what Anonymous member 940 is remembering is a time before the internet when we didn’t have a public outlet for these kinds of gripes. We just seethed until we found something better to occupy our time. I don’t think people were necessarily all that different, we just weren’t displaying our every thought and neurosis for the world to see and comment on. 

But Anonymous member 940 is not the only one irritated that people are posting mundane irritations on VashonitesRant, a page that they voluntarily joined which was specifically designed to gather people’s mundane irritations. One says, “Every moment doesn’t need to be preserved…did anyone die? Were you mildly upset by someone else’s actions whom you have no control or interest over? Have a cuppa tea and mind your business”

We must preserve every minor injustice, every subtle irritation, so that in thousands of years, people will truly know what it meant to be alive in the early third millennium. Much as we know so much about the bronze age because some guy named Ea Nasir sold shitty copper ingots and saved all the clay tablets that his customers sent him complaining about his merchandise. 

Others think we should preserve our local history, but for a different reason. One person says, “I’ve listened to enough true crime podcasts that I can confidently point out that sometimes documenting unusual events pays off in the future.”

Okay, put down the podcast. Not every unusual thing is a crime in the making. Sometimes someone is just being inconsiderate. Also, if you have a body in the trunk of your Tesla, you’re probably going to be following all the laws of the road to a T, lest you attract unwanted attention. 

One commenter points out that it might not even have been the drivers’ decision. They say, “but hasn’t the self-driving feature been running over pedestrians for a while?”

Someone named The_Dudes_opinion appreciates the original post and says, “Brah, I immediately sold my white tesla, understanding how wrong I was, and bought a white prius. I am thoroughly humbled by your strong language and indomitable spirit. Namaste ”

Someone who goes by Stringedamame and whose profile pic is a cartoon edamame bean with sunglasses and curly green hair addresses The_Dudes_opinion  by saying, “yes I truly love this answer. Are you single and open-minded per chance?!

The_Dudes_opinion says, “Stringedamame yes, yes.”

Stringedamame says, “The_Dudes_opinion how do we meet up? I mean I’m kind of obvious, tall, skinny, with the green curls up top….”

This is so beautiful. People are finding love through their hatred of that one white Tesla. Maybe, just maybe, the driver was actually Aphrodite, and this was all part of an elaborate plot to bring people together. 

Drivers are sinning at both the four way and the ferry, as illustrated in the below post. 

An art critic says, “Shouldn’t those be orcas?”

Many people feel this punishment should be used more broadly. One says, “This seems too kind for the line cutter. What do they deserve?”

I’m starting to see how Robespierre got so overzealous and didn’t put the guillotine away when it was time. 

There are so many ferry-related vehicular sins. One person says, “And the electric cars who leave their lights on and behind you and blind you in the rear view mirror ”

And one  islander has this complaint: “It was one truck for 20+ minutes steady today.”

And finally, we have this one: “Yes … Or the ones that are parked in front of you … and they keep their foot on their brakes the whole way across … so their brake lights are blinding you!! I usually get out and tell them … “Please take your foot off of the brakes and just use your parking brake!!””

Whoa, are you saying that you approach the problem with grace and kindness? It would never have occurred to me. I’d just write my complaints on a clay tablet and toss the tablet through the rear window of their car. 

One person says, “Of all the problems in the world, this is your issue?”

See, if you threaten to throw the people who actually cause problems in the world off a boat, you get yourself monitored and perhaps arrested under dubious pretenses.

As much as we hate cars, we love animals and want to protect them.

We all agree. One person adds, “ Balloon releases should be illegal. They kill wildlife. Cause power outages when getting caught on powerlines. Also cause wildfires for that same reason. Your relative or friend is gone… did you hate them or something and that’s why you want to cause destruction in their memory? Strangle a few wild animals in grandmas memory?”

When I die, I want my funeral to be needlessly destructive. Use pyrotechnics that start a house fire. Pour glitter everywhere. Play really loud music that upsets the local wildlife. I want to die as I lived – annoying the shit out of everyone in my vicinity. 

You know how I said we all love wildlife. It was a lie. We have the following post as evidence. 

The poster adds, “You know I love deer. But shouldn’t they be at the zoo or Northwest Trek?”

A wise islander says, “Strange person I have never met, that is probably an unpopular opinion.”

Others question the OP. One says. “So you believe there should be no wildlife?”

Op doubles down. They say, “That would work. I’m open to just birds.”

One asks, “are you for real??”

Obviously, they are not. They are messing with you to get a reaction. They were bored, sitting in front of their computer, thinking about whether they should go outside and take a walk in the beautiful sunshine, but instead dusted the potato chip grease off their hands and anonymously posted a bizarre hypothetical to a Facebook group to get attention. 

I love when people free-associate based on something they saw in a previous comment. Someone shares this story about their visit to Northwest Trek. “fun fact my grandparents were visiting from basically Kansas and we went to Northwest Trek and the tram broke down so we had to walk a bit past the Elk or water buffalo or whatever. On the second occasion of their visit it was stormy and the pitch and yaw of the ferry boat was exhilarating. For me, not for them.”

Another person says, “Used to have pheasant and rabbit at one time.”

Do they mean on Vashon, or at Northwest Trek? 

One person adds, “Don’t forget the year of the caterpillars!!”

And now we’re reminiscing on the good ol’ times. One person sighs and types fondly, “Went to stop your car and slid on the guts !”

We eventually get back on the topic of deer. One islander says,  “I bet the deer wish you hadn’t bought a house in their neighborhood. Just saying ”

Another adds, “They are beautiful living, breathing, feeling creatures. That is why.” Then they share this picture of the despicable creatures. Look at them, with their many leg joints and oversized ears and itty bitty tails. They’re beasts, I tell you. Beasts. 

One consequence someone can think up: “Sadness of not seeing deer all the time?”

They may have a question mark, but others legitimize their response. One says, “yes I love deer, and their gentleness.”

I love the way deer stare. Like, are we soul-bonding, or are you just being really still in the hopes that I won’t see you if you don’t move? 

Others have more utilitarian reasons to want deer around. “Do you want to eliminate a future food source? It’s perfect, you don’t need to freeze the meat, just let them eat your apples and pears and when the big one hits and the two stores are out of meat in one day, we will all have venison.”

I like that I’m not the only one who thinks about societal collapse. 

An islander shares this fascinating story: “We lived off of venison on Maui! They’d give members of the community 1-2lbs of meat per week for free and it really helped us sustain. If the big one hit that is definitely what would help us!!”

Maybe the OP wasn’t bored and causing drama for no reason. One islander posits this explanation for the rant: “Somebody got their tomatoes eaten.”

The_Dudes_opinion, who probably wrote this while sitting beside their newfound love Stringedamame, says: “Wolves brah, bring back the mountain lions, and the bear. Let them eat! Be a real island then.”

And yet again we get nostalgic for the way things used to be, when wolves roamed the steppes of Vashon, and we were all wilder and freer. One person says, “Anyone remember the Wild Dogs? They would run in packs around the Island.”

Some vaguely remember that. One person replies,  “In the seventies? I remember my friends talking about it.”

Another group member has this “Had a friend paid by the county to hunt them. They were quite wild, hunting peoples’ pets and at times chasing people.They hung out at the land fill mostly.”

The world was a vibrant and beautiful place before I was born. 

It turns out the reasons go beyond aesthetics and potential food source. One knowledgeable islander tells us:  “Deer aren’t just a nuisance… they’re a food source keeping coyotes fed. Take them out and coyotes turn to pets more once raccoons run thin. Plus deer browsing keeps vegetation down, so losing them means more overgrowth and higher fire risk. Not as simple as ‘no downside.’”

OP finds an opportunity here. They say, “more room for goats and sheep though.”

When our knowledgeable islander points out that the coyotes would just feed on our livestock, OP says, “Sheep are more friendly though.”

One islander has a helpful suggestion. Instead of removing the deer, how about the poster remove themself from the island? “I hear there’s no deer in Pakistan, maybe that’s a better match for you? They love Americans too, especially the really white ones.”

OP says, “You seem up on Pakistan let’s go!”

Our helpful islander says, “I’ve got a summer cabin over there, it’s perfect when I need time away from the wife.”

OP says, “wouldn’t Yelm be far enough away?”

If I’ve learned anything from this thread, it’s that deer are a great shield against pet and livestock predation, and we should honor their sacrifice. 

Also Pakistan is a great place to go to escape both your family and the local fauna. 

And speaking of despicable wildlife, we have this post: 

One person says, “That’s half the fun of living in the woods!”

What’s the other half? Bug bites? 

Another islander adds, “My owls turn into monkeys around midnight. So I feel yah! ”

Another says, “they are some seriously randy kids”

You guys, stop slut-shaming the owls. Sex is a perfectly natural part of life, and if you happen to be a creature who has talons, then engaging in sexual acts probably comes with a certain amount of ouchies and screams. 

One islander claims to have spoken with the owls. They give us this report of their conversation:

Our last post captures the mood of the moment. 

One person explains why the bell rang. “The island demands 3 souls.”

I think OP was hoping that one very particular soul had been claimed, a soul that has taken up far too much of our consciousness for the past decade. 

Of course we have to reminisce about how things were better. Every dang post. It was always better in the 70s. “Well we used to jump up on the Burton church roof and ring the bell at midnight! Aren’t you glad you weren’t around back then in the latest 70’s?!”

One astute commenter says, “I think people are missing the point of how excited and hopeful you were. I hope all bells are ringing when *it* happens!”

I will be in the streets banging pots and pans. Honestly, whenever I hear a firework, I think, ‘Did it happen? Or is it just Croatia winning a soccer game?” 

Someone asks, “What did you think had happened????”

Oh, you sweet soul. We live on a knife’s edge, in a situation so untenable and getting worse by the day. We are seeing a breakdown of systems that will take generations to rebuild. And the whole shebang is being helmed by someone who is old, frail, and, by the looks of his hands and ankles, rotting from the inside and ready to explode like a rotten peach when it falls to the ground. And we are waiting, just waiting, for the announcement that the captain has fallen overboard, in the hopes that with the mad captain gone, we can maybe, just maybe, gain a bit of control over the direction of the ship. 

I suppose we could arrange for his motorcade to come to Vashon, so when they inevitably cut the line and idle their engines in the boat, the locals surround them and force them to walk the plank into cold, shark infested waters.